remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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