I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
