im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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