I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
