She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
