oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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