No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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