im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
