we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she told me i tasted like america
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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