when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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