my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.