Me. At least after what I've been through.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
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Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
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Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.