my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.