I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
3pm strippers are depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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