Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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