I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
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Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
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Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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