I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
