your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
