Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
