Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
