You smell like a Billy Joel song
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
