I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
