Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
