don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
