she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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