Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
