its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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