So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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