Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
