2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is officially offended.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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