so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
