So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
