Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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