And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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