one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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