And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
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I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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