You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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