he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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