your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
