Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
