guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
