So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We need to rekindle our bromance
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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