I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
