So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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