I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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