not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
