problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
