I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
