I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
