Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
