I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
