I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
