He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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