i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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