is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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