Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
