Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
