He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
