You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
