I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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