I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
