Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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