We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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