He uses pillows to masturbate.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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