He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
