I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Are we still banned from the library?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
