Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
